Hello,

So after 70 weeks (confirmed by LJ) I have decided to once again post my thoughts on Live Journal for your entertainment, etc.  I have been stuck in Tempe for quite some time now and the recent Spring Break full of couch lounging was near devestating.  I did, however, have plenty of time to mock Geraldine Ferraro and her obnoxiously un-PC comments, while reading endless articles online of Kristen the former NY governor's playmate.

But the most interesting longterm development that came up this week, and which has prompted me to post this entry, was the choice that I am currently facing over what to do this summer.  I request your assistance.  Please forgive me while I set the scene for why this choice that I am about to explain has been so taxing on me (damn, taxes, I need to file them).

Option 1: Accounting Internship with HomeStreet Bank in Seattle, WA
Upon coming to ASU, I made the decision (somewhat regretted), to enter the wonderful world of W.P Carey.  Although my French, English, and Calculus high school teachers thought I was crazy, I knew that at the end of the day if I played my cards right I could secure a nice career working for a bank in Seattle, WA that is about 60% owned by my family.  Even though I had grown up as an early prototype of an "emo," writing poetry, crying a lot, etc. I felt I had come to a point in my life after leaving Washington for college where the rose colored sunglasses needed to come off; and double-entry accrual basis accounting was in!  Not to say that I haven't enjoyed my roller coaster ride through the accounting program here at ASU, it has always been something that I have seen as a necessary evil to ensure that my future is one of security and prosperity.   
So, when I was approached last summer by my cousins, CEO and VP-Community Relations of the bank, on a possible internship tailored to my specific needs going into the accounting work force after graduation, it seemed like a perfect opportunity.  I have been planning to work in the Emerald City now for quite some time over the summer, experience the beauty and amazingness that is Seattle, spend some quality time with family and friends I have been cruelly neglecting, and get to add some amazing resume material come next fall.  Perfect right?  Just wait. 

Option 2: Teaching Corporate Social Responsibility to High Schoolers on a national tour of Malaysia.
Yes, that is right.  I've been looking into finalizing an internship with AIESEC (more on that soon) over two months this summer in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia that would consist of me working with 10 college students from around the world  in planning conferences and seminars to teach high school students CSR related topics including sustainability.  OMFG, it's basically the coolest opportunity that I could have.  For nearly three years I have been obsessed, some would even say enslaved, to the wonderful organization called AIESEC where we match students around the world to international internships.  I have only been able to awe at stories from my colleagues on trips to Colombia, Kenya, Egypt, Romania, etc. etc. etc. doing the most outrageous things in the world.  Here, I have an opportunity for myself to experience something would honestly be amazing.  
Unfortunately, short of some major spin, it really doesn't count as career building in the eyes of the bean counters.  And unfortunately, it would cost me a whole lot more of my own money than a summer to Seattle would, even though the USD is still valued higher than the Malaysian currency and costs of living are significantly lower on the islands.  Like an accountant I have made a spreadsheet of pro's and con's (you could call them assets and liabilities if you really want to), here is what they summarize:

Seattle Pros: 
Immediate resume building
Time with friends and family
Easier to find a job come Fall 08
100% certainty of happening (Malaysia will be deciding on best candidates)
Attendance of my mom and step dad's 10th anniversary/ step dad's 40th b-day
Cheaper and would end summer with profit
Maintain ties to Arizona friends and AIESEC partners
Seattle

Malaysia Pros:
Out of the country
Immediate world wide network building
Tons of fun
Could be used as recruitment information come Fall 08 for AIESEC
All friends in AIESEC going abroad this summer
Planning and Teaching (two of my favorite things to do)
Malaysian beaches

 I'll add some more later but PLEASE give me your advice!!!!

Kevin

The weirdest week yet this semester is finally over, but not without some to be continues.  First off, I passed my training to become a teller, which was sheer exhileration.  Let me tell you.  wow.  i was soooo excited processing transactions.  wow.  Anyways, that's over and I earned some good money from it.  

What's not over is my current poverty.  After talking with my mom, dad, and banking personel at US Bank, I was able to get about $250 taken completely off of my charges with the remainder being paid by my father.   Unfortunately, the little extra that he deposited for my own use was deemed as the bank's assets, going blatantly against what I had arranged for.  I don't know if I can argue this, since they did basically look a blind eye to $250, but still, come on US Bank.  What that means is that I don't have to worry anymore about any debt (aside from that of my parents) but I still don't have any spending money, in any form.  My paycheck was supposed to come in the mail today, it didn't.  With no money for food I am left scrounging around my cupboards here.  I was amazed that I found pasta that I had bought two months ago, still good and packaged; this is going to be my food for the next couple of days.

Now that my mind is free from the agony of deposits and withdrawals, at least momentarily, I get to dive into the homework that I entirely neglected this week.  On top of that, the Barrett Chronicle is going to be arranged and formatted this weekend which is going to be a big commitment since I am going to definitely help with that.  Projects are coming up, tests are coming up, I have work this next week, I have to find out more about signing up for WSC, and on and on and on.  

This is what I live for.

So I think I just stepped out of childhood and into this so called "real world."  Yeah, going to college may have been that a year and a half ago, but really?  I don't think so.  That was really just a transplanting of naivte.  The realizing that I am no longer going to be the carefree individual I so desired to be has occurred.

$2,700.  That is the amount of debt I currently have.  Now, it wasn't that big of a deal when most of it was to my parents who really don't care about when or where I repay it or if it happens to be in "hugs and thank yous."  That could have been repaid over the next thirty years of my life and neither I nor my parents would have really noticed.  Unfortunately, banks and apartment complexes do notice, however.  Some how I had not realized that my debit card, bane of my existence, had run dry two days ago.  I had continued using it, and within a period of about 48 hours accumulated $380 in unpaid charges and overdraft fees.  Before you go and suggest that I should get overdraft protection, let me just say that I don't apply for that with the account that I have.  I will be fixing that, though, when I open a new account with Bank of America (hopefully they don't read this).  I think that they have overdraft protection for employees and all that good stuff.  

The remainder of my debt is going to come from compounded fees for being unable to pay these charges and the rent that has to be paid at the end of the month.  Couple that with the fact that I only have about $5 in actual cash, and that will show you why I have started looking for a student loan, just to stay above water.  Now, don't worry, I do have a source of income which is the only thing that keeps me from killing myself.  I really don't want to go to my parents again for more money, and this is going to force me to start buying cheaper things.  I plan to be entirely out of real debt (non-parent debt) by Christmas.  The rest can wait until the summer.  

If you know of any places that I could get money or a good student loan please feel free to give me options.

mood: stressed

I walked for Uganda today, again.  I, among members of the community and AIESEC, went up to North Phoenix in the middle of the desert to help spread awareness of the tragedy in northern Uganda where children are being ubducted for their use as child soldiers and sex slaves.  It was fun being with my friends even if the activity did no or negative aid to the people actually suffering.  Next year though, it will be good.

After that exhilerating walk I decided not to really do anything tonight, which felt sort of like a crime being the halloween weekend and all, but a calm relaxing crime, maybe peeing in a swimming pool.  Maybe it was the wastedness from last night that drove me to that decision.  I did however go to Pita Jungle with Brianna and had some fabulous chicken pasta salad.  It was there also that I decided to partake in one of my favorite pastimes: watching movies by myself.  I actually like doing that, i'm not just saying that.  The movie was Me you and everyone we know.  yes, i finally watched it.

But before I go any further I must explain two things.  First, when I went to rent the movie I was solicited by a 10 year old boy for spare change:

"Excuse me sir, could you give me some change so i could eat something?" 
"Oh, I actually don't have any money... did you want food?"
"Yeah!"
"Because I have food."
"What kind of food?"
"Pasta, I just got it."
"Pasta? Is that that kind of noodley stuff?"
"Yeah, I just bought it."
"No, I don't like Pasta, it's nasty."

After I had gone in and rented the movies he approached me again for change.  I told him I was sorry but I didn't have any spare change.

Secondly, the movie Me you and everyone we know is of some importance.  Dubbed by Brianna as the worst movie she has ever seen, having no value, and invalidating any sort of system whereby one chooses movies by the amount of laurels on their cover, Me You and Everyone We Know acts as her life or death thermometer judging the quality of others around her.  So, It was vital that I did not like this movie.

Let me say that first it is not my favorite movie, nor is it entirely worthy of having so many laurels, but the movie has strengths that I think Brianna, you, are missing.  

Microinteraction.  I think it's amazing, and this movie has it in abundance.  Just how I was fascinated by a play of four unrelated tellings of stories of Iraqi refugees being retold by a American girl, I loved the intimacy that this movie brought.  I liked the commentary on the digital age and the confusion that it brings, and I liked the value that this movie gives to art, and its role in human existance.

I didn't like that it taught me all of this.  There were no actors in this movie, there were energetic professors, overzealous in conveying their idealogies most likely to an equally overzealous and over excited audience looking to soak up any semblance of "deep" thought that they could find.   The dialogue, although stimulating, was scripted and transparent.   And the "real life" situations, like exhibits in a text book, were hard to believe.  It was fun, though.  It was Portland and it was warm and uplifting.  

Verdict: I liked it.  

and so started the silence between Kevin and his Brianna.

 

mood: relaxed music: Death Cab for Cutie

I think I have finally completed my ascent and now am running on autopilot.  Today was probably the busiest day of the year thus far with joys overflowing including:
Psychology class
My interviewing of my accounting professor
Giving a tour of the Honors college
Sitting in on business calls with the Sales and Service team in AIESEC
Performing a straw-blowing-into-the-eye mental experiment on Nura at Applebees
9 hours from 7:00-4:00 doing homework (broken up by discussion with Mitch at Ihop and a random run in with Cortney)
a $15 ticket for parking in the structure after hours.

In all I have been up now for 23 hours and am looking to start afresh in about two...

About a year and a half ago I told friend Jared Jones that I was really content with my life, not because of a happiness, accomplishment or sentiment indescribable but because of its novel like nature.  "I could turn my life into a book, and I'd read it, and I'd like it very much."  He thought that was somewhat egotistical.  I knew better.

I feel like that again today.  I like my life: it's dynamic.  I get angry about things that I support when they truly don't make sense and I laugh outloud at my supposed allies.  I don't know why, and it's consequently fun.  Maybe it's the ASU student body, all wrapped up in maroon and gold and tan and blonde that just makes me proud to be distinguishable, maybe I just like variety in my life. 

Anyways, this memory started to work its way out of the profundity over some honey pasta salad yesterday at Pita Jungle with Mitch; we were discussing our relatively recent pasts of one or two years.  We talked about our atypical first year at college and how it impacted us.  I thought about where I was at this point last year and later read some stuff I wrote from last semester.  And then I thought, "hey, i'm in a truly dismal phase of my life, not many people can say that." 

After setting down the framework for our current life status we then went on to our near future outlook.  My half of the conversation basically consisted of again restating my individuality either voluntary or inevitable that I feel I'm in.  And when I say individuality, please understand that I have a ton of friends, friends that i wouldn't trade for a small portion of money.  What I mean by individuality is that I haven't extended myself to anyone, I haven't given any part of my own person to someone else.  I think that's part of the reason why I'm so excited to start working because although I will be getting paid, at least I can serve someone in some way.  If anyone had the answer on how to controllably make a connection with someone interpersonally without going overboard, that would be more than welcome.  

I think it's bad when a mood lasts through the night and into the next morning.  I'm honestly feeling the same way that I was while eating that honey pasta salad.

mood: blah music: Sigur Ros

I finally have a good adjective for my "N" when doing accrostic poems: non-representative. 

I just got done finishing my second of four mandatory psychology experiments and yet again I think I'm going to skew the results.  Although I don't really want to say exactly what it is in the unlikely case that you actually take it, I will say that it involved a set of images and required me to rapidly judge these images by either "shooting" or "not shooting," thereby giving the experiment its name of "Shoot or don't shoot." 

I haven't played video games in like 2 years, and I was never that good at them.  If you are going to incorporate skills that I was supposed to have learned in my childhood I really don't think you're going to get accurate results, at least from me.  In any case, there are two principles that this has taught me: 1) I cannot accept anyone's request for my participation in another experiment and 2) After a dramatic and tense narration I will shoot people without self control or reason.  Although you may be saying, "why Kevin, that was exactly what the experiment was setting out to learn!"  I will respond, with a sarcastic and biting comment meant to make you feel bad. 

"Suzie, don't be such a dork face" 

mood: exhausted music: Neutral Milk Hotel

Mitch and I have been bringing up the topic of global warming from time to time, and discussing the impacts and validity of Al Gore's movie, which I still need to see.  I had mentioned to Mitch that my dad had sent me an email about this movie in which it shot down many of the claims that were made, even some that are backed entirely by the scientific community.  I was curious and wanted to find the source of this document, since I only had a copy of it pasted onto an email, and found that it came from an organization called the ACUF or American Conservatism Union Foundation.  I can't help but think that the similarity to ACLU is intentional.  In any case, although I could have you read the article that I just mentioned, I would highly suggest reading the one below.  It's a good laugh and more pertinent to all college students.  

http://acuf.org/issues/issue69/061010news.asp

I think that the nicotine overdose is really getting to me and the emotional regions of my brain because I really should be overjoyed right now:

1) Got a job at Bank of America, 15 hours/wk (perfect), 9.50/hr, $2000 tuition reimbursement
2) Got accepted into the W.P. Carey Professional Program
3) Co led the first meeting for the Barrett Chronicle of the semester

Instead of being ecstatic, though, I feel perfectly normal.  However, i really like this because with my tendency to slip in and out of good and bad moods, remaining stable, even in a somewhat "ho-hum" mood, is relaxing.  

I'm going to be insanely busy over the next few weeks, which is personally exhilerating.  I'm tired of wasting away, and giving all my time to facebook and myspace while I wait for my eyes to get to the point where their heaviness is no longer bearable.   My "easy" days are now going to be Sunday, Monday and Wednesday when I'm not working with the others being given to the bank.  Like I said though, this really isn't a bad thing, the recruiter and interviewer both really liked me and had good conversations.  I'm really excited to be working somewhere credible at last, and being able to list it on resumes without shame.  Oh Hollister. .. Oh Papa Murphy's...  Oh Hardy and Southern.

mood: complacent music: The Knife

Wednesdays are too much for me.  Besides being the so called "hump day" I had the brilliance to schedule three 1hr 15min classes AND a three hour seminar class, followed then by AIESEC meetings.  I had some weird stuff happen but I'm too tired to write anything.  I don't know why given that i slept for 11 and a half hours last night... which by the way was nothing short of magical.

mood: tired music: sufjan stevens...again